HAPPY THIRD BIRTHDAY, NO INTERNAL MONOLOGUE!!
To say that I’m feeling nostalgic and emotional, yet hopeful for the future, is only a small piece of the puzzle of what’s been going through my mind lately. I cannot believe it’s been three years, but also, I can’t believe it’s been ONLY three years.
When I was growing up, I felt a lot of the times like I couldn’t be my most authentic self without some sort of backlash.
“She’s so weird.”
“She’s doing that for attention, just ignore her.”
“She’s too flirty, she’s too friendly, she’s too loud, her personality crowds a room.”
To say that I don’t subconsciously think back to these comments and opinions every time I truly bear my soul to someone, an audience, into a project, etc, would be dishonest, but I can at least say that the negative effect it had on me has less of a grip on me and my soul.
I can take that energy and turn it from anxiety to excitement and anticipation to see what my energy attracts and repels, like a constant social experiment. I can almost turn it into a silent movie in my own head where at the center of it all, I can remember how far I’ve come and how confident I’ve become.
The reason? No Internal Monologue.
With the confidence and the opportunities No Internal Monologue has granted me, I feel like I have to update my list of accomplishments, as I’m trying to give myself more credit. It’s also hard to see growth when it doesn’t feel linear in the moment, but the growth is evident when you zoom out and see your accomplishments throughout an entire year.
And these accomplishments only scratch the surface of what No Internal Monologue has done for me over not just the last year, but the last three years, when I only started a little SoundCloud podcast for the fun of it. This has turned into something so much bigger than little 21-year-old me could’ve imagined, and luckily, for my 24-year-old self, this is only just the beginning.
With that, in my first blog post, I talked about celebrating No Internal Monologue’s second birthday and the goals I have for the next year ahead!
First off, I will admit that with all of the success I have experienced within the last year, I have been slacking a little bit when it comes to recording and uploading podcast episodes, and for this, I am sorry. As some of you may know, I was working a job where considering it time-consuming would be an understatement. I was working 14-hour days, and I was clocked in six days out of the week, and it gave me no time to effectively take care of myself, let alone work on No Internal Monologue on top of that. With that, some pretty traumatizing moments occurred during my time at this job, and holding onto that trauma was taking a toll on my mental and physical health.
Even though I am an open person and am willing to share my experiences with those out there who may be struggling with similar things, I didn’t, and still don’t, feel comfortable talking about said events yet.
I want to be able to heal privately and provide comfort to others when I am ready.
With that, this has also been a big reason as to why my podcast episodes weren’t being produced at the same rate as they were in year two.
With this in mind, I have found a new job, and I’m going to be working a classic 9-5, Monday through Friday, which I feel is an opportunity to reconstruct my weekly schedule to try to keep up with No Internal Monologue and effectively take care of myself at the same time. I want to be able to start going to the gym and start becoming healthier with my physical habits, my eating habits, and my mindfulness habits.
I think my perfect week would be to work out at least three times a week, eat homecooked meals and get better in the kitchen, start Tarot journaling again with breathing exercises to hold space for my feelings and relax, be more present when hanging out with my friends and family, but at the same time, work my 9-5, upload a podcast episode onto streaming platforms and YouTube every single week (prep content the week before to ensure new content will be released the week after), post at least once to Instagram and TikTok per day, start an official No Internal Monologue Facebook page for all of my family members who don’t have Instagram and TikTok to keep up with me and all I’m doing, and even have time to have one day/night per week of having nothing going on except for what I want to do, like practice piano, learn the guitar, go kayaking in the summer, go on road trips to farmers markets, vinyl shops, small businesses, visit friends and family, dive into a craft, or just to be a couch potato for a day and do NOTHING.
Does this seem like a lot right now? Absolutely.
What makes it more attainable in my eyes is to just take it little by little, and incorporate more and more as I go, making it less overwhelming and more doable! Since I struggle with hyperactive ADHD, I see my dream life and career, and I want to go after anything and everything right at that moment and be perfect at everything on the first try, but that’s not possible, especially when I tend to freeze up and panic whenever I’m overstimulated.
So I’m going to reconstruct my life one schedule adjustment at a time, and I’ll be able to live my absolute best life, contribute to society as much as I can, create my dream career, and look fabulous all while doing it.
With that big goal in mind, I also hope that I can grow my social media platforms and become more well-known in the content creation space, possibly organize some workshops for those who want to do what I do and find connection and community, work with more creative, innovative people and form authentic, fulfilling friendships with those people, maybe dive into the possibility of starting up No Internal Monologue studios and experiment with what that may look like, etc.
I have big goals, bigger dreams, and the biggest drive to accomplish all I want to accomplish.
The biggest thing I have to remember, however, is that even though I want to grow more and more throughout the year, I have to remember that not everything will be done this upcoming year, and that’s okay. I will accomplish all of my goals eventually. I see the vision, I work hard to grow little by little, and I will eventually earn everything I search for and more. I just have to trust the process and know that I have my whole life to do what I want to do, which is a blessing in itself, so I have to do what feels right when it feels right, and it’ll all fall into place in the long run.
I cannot wait to continue growing and connecting and feeling throughout No Internal Monologue’s journey, and I can’t wait to see how year four unfolds! I can’t wait to use my experience throughout the last three years to help pave the way for success in the next three years ahead, plus some!
Most of all, I cannot wait to include all of my virtual besties on the wild ride.
Toodaloo, buckaroos! I love you all so dearly! <3